Sunday, July 29, 2012
Night Portrait
Sleep seemed far away last night, my longing
for you nearer than the thick dark pressure
on my lids, or the images thronging
behind them: each one angled for pleasure.
Lips at corner of jaw (kisses fresher
than a new page), a knee between my knees,
your hip whiter than the snowline ... all these
fantastical, and fingers crushing air,
and emptiness an echo to my pleas,
wrist-bone bitten to stifle this despair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Mini-Challenge on Real Toads today is the Dizain, a ten line poem based on the longer Ballade form.
Click the hypertext beneath the photo to see Rosie Hardy's Flickr stream.
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What a despair of longing but lovely words and form ~
ReplyDeleteThank you, Heaven. A shorter form demands precise words, as you have perfected in your own writing.
DeleteSo beautiful, Kerry.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you enjoyed it, Laurie and thanks for the visit.
DeleteWonderfully done!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sherry!
DeleteOne thing I love about you among many) is your attention to detail. The title of this is simple but ideal, the photo you put with it is also just right, and of course, the time you must have taken to write in this form have all paid off nicely.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there's anyone with a heart and a libido who couldn't identify with this poem. I think we've all been there. It's difficult, but nonetheless, one knows one is alive when being taken by these yearnings.
The funny thing is that the title was the most difficult part of this poem. I'm not very good with titles, and words eluded me. I wanted the whole to stand as an anonymous portrait of the longing itself, rather than the woman (or man, for that matter) who might have these thoughts. I appreciate the feedback - good to know it worked in the end.
Delete"kisses fresher than a new page" is beautiful — it reminds me of our family printing shop and the smell of paper. Beautifully done, Kerry: You aced this form.
ReplyDeleteK
I'm glad you liked that image, Kay. There is something about a clean piece of paper which is immeasurably beautiful to me.
Deletedesire, devastation, deep depression, aaaaahhhhhhhh
ReplyDeletedesertion, delirium, despair... Help!
DeleteKerry,
ReplyDeleteThis doesn't even read like a "form" poem (that's a compliment!) Your words just flow so beautifully and sensually. And I love Rosie Hardy's photography. It's always a perfect inspiration or accompaniment.
Thank you, LM. It is difficult to write form without the ideas becoming trapped by the structure, so I'm glad I pulled it off.
DeleteGeez, this is hot Kerry. :)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this: "my longing for you nearer than the thick dark pressure"
And this: "or the images thronging ... each one angled for pleasure."
"your hip whiter than the snowline" ... This is cool too because it gives me something to ponder. If a hip is exceptionally white, it might be winter. He might be a professional who doesn't spend much time in the sun. He could be Albino (okay, that was just for fun). Or the hip could be extra white because there is intense pressure being placed upon it and the circulation is being cut off.
I like this: "fingers crushing air" and I LOVE this: "wrist-bone bitten." Heartbreaking ending. The speaker having to stuff her wrist in her mouth to stifle voiceless screams. This certainly isn't just physical or even emotional longing. This is a pain felt deep down in the hidden places of the soul.
I think of the hip-line as an area which is seldom sun-tanned, and the contours remind of a mountain range.
DeleteBeautiful beautiful beautiful
ReplyDeleteOne can easily picture this longing, this sleepless soul in bed, eyes fixed nowhere in the room but somewhere in the inside, somewhere in a memory.
Kiss you. <3
Yes. That is what I was hoping to achieve. Thanks for the visit, Kenia.
Delete"all these
ReplyDeletefantastical, and fingers crushing air,
and emptiness an echo to my pleas,
wrist-bone bitten to stifle this despair."
ooooooooo. Me too. I bite my wrist in empathy as you read me this poem and my eyes close, pressure without, images within.
When words move to feeling, the poet is very gratified. Thank you Susan.
ReplyDeleteSo flawlessly smooth you can't even find the form! Wow!
ReplyDeleteI'm very gratified to know that you think this piece flawless, MZ. Kind words, well-received.
DeleteA different kind of love bite.
ReplyDeleteVery succinct and economical write.
Oh snap, Aprille! How clever of you to think of that interpretation.
Deleteprimal desire stated so elegantly and then ~
ReplyDelete"wrist-bone bitten to stifle this despair."
so raw, graphic yet still filled with primal desire.
LOVE this Kerry! your writing is exquisite, whatever the form... whatever the topic!
♥
Thank you, Dani. Your comment makes me very happy.
DeleteKerry....I'm speechless...this is truly a work of art...you've gathered this moment in such a sensory way and the form just melts it all together!
ReplyDeleteA stand out job and the reading is really a gift, too!! Very much enjoyed!
You are always so kind, so very generous in your commentary, Hannah. Thank you.
DeleteThe photo's appropriate with the poem. I truly felt what your trying to impart. Its a wonderful poem. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDelete