"Trees are poems the earth writes upon the sky,
We fell them down and turn them into paper,
That we may record our emptiness."
Khalil Gibran

Sunday, October 28, 2012

End Days

© Mama Zen


This October melancholy
Last year’s ghostly negative,
Sedative,
Lives in loss and love’s dross;
Days are tentative;
Each night is pale and out-bled:
Remember the dead.

Change blew colder at harvest-time,
Your love waned, emotion thinned.
Breath of wind
Scatters leaves, misperceives
How hearts may rescind
Like thistle seeds blown away
Before All Saint’s Day.


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The Sunday Mini-Challenge on Real Toads focuses on a 7-line stanza form devised by Paul Laurence. Dunbar.
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52 comments:

  1. Lovely, Kerry... I especially like the contrast between the two stanzas.

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  3. yikes, hearts rescinding. we are on a similar topic this weekend, Kerry :)
    this is an interesting form, thank you!

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  4. Very pretty - Kerry - really mournful and sombre and yet with a kind of stately grace. k.

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    1. I was going for the mournful tone, so I'm glad you felt that while reading.

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  5. You must be so pleased with this. Fantastic words in there.

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    1. And yet, I wonder if it says all I wanted to say...
      I'm happy to know you liked the word choice, some had to be beaten into submission.

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    1. Thank you for your photo, MZ. There is something quite ghostly about it. I'm sure it's more a dandelion than thistle but the former word has too many syllables ;)

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  7. Very nice, great internal rhyme and a unique structure.

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  8. Perfect use of this (rather difficult) poetic form ~~

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    1. It is difficult - much more so than I remembered!

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  9. Very seamless, Kerry--flowing and melancholy--one wouldn't know by reading how demanding this form is in syllable rationing, because the language and images seem lavish, if sombrely so, like the season itself. Once again, you show us how its done as well as tell it.

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    1. ps 'it's' not 'its,' and your daughters iris photo is lovely--just the fact that it's iris time somewhere is lovely. ;_)

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    2. You are too kind, Hedge. I stopped short of a third stanza because my brain was quite taxed after two! The irises are over now, sadly, but it's amaryllis time!

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  10. beautiful lines.finely formed and very evocative.especially the idea of last year's negative.

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    1. The picture itself reminded me of a negative, so that is where the image came from. Thanks, Abin.

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  11. Kerry,
    What a lovely, though somber, poem. The photo complements it perfectly. This has been quite a melancholy October.

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    1. I always feel the uncertainty in the breezes of October. Thanks, LM.

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  12. Fantastic writing, the mood crisp and brittle...love the seeds blown away.........

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    1. I think the seeds are a recurring image in my poems.. should probably find a new image to work with ;)

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  13. Exquisite, Kerry. Superlatives sufficient to your talent fail me. I wish I'd felt up to the work required by the form, because I've seen so many Toads handle it so well.
    K

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    1. Oh, thank you, Kay. You are too kind. I found the form quite difficult this time around.

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  14. Well, poo. I was here hours ago and came back to see if you had replied to my comment as you sometimes do, and...no comment cos I must have gotten distracted and not left one, after reading. *smax forehead*

    Anyway, this captures perfectly that chilly, used-up feeling of melancholy and echoing ache that fits both late autumn and late relationship. I can feel the wind blow.

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    1. Well, thanks for the return visit!

      "used-up feeling" seems to express what I was trying to say very succinctly.

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  15. Well done Kerry! I love the tone and the descriptive view~ Your projection is stunning~ I love "Each night is pale and out-bled" and the ending with "All Saint's Day" ;D

    I messed up my rhyming the end...I have to try this form again! Loved yours :D

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    1. I think it is worth working with this form again. It certainly requires carefully word choice.
      Thanks, Ellen.

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  16. interesting how you put some of the words together

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  17. Ooo...your inner rhymes make my ears so happy and the others are so natural as well.. you make this look so easy!! :)

    "Change blew colder at harvest-time,
    Your love waned, emotion thinned."

    Very nice!!

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    1. I know how you especially appreciate the sounds in poetry, so this is a fine compliment of the poem. Thanks, Hannah.

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  18. "Like thistle seeds" harsh!
    and otherwise heavy on the "o" of the mournful and cold. It wails a bit this poem. I think some of mine is on the same track with a pinch of hope--which might be all gone too if I had attempted two stanzas!

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    1. I know exactly what you mean.. stanza two is gruelling work. Thanks, Susan.

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  19. How hearts may rescind
    Like thistle seeds blown away

    The above lines are powerful Kerry! It tells of how strong a stand one can take if disappointed with love! Nicely!

    Hank

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    1. Yes, Hank. The theme of disappointed love was my aim - I'm so pleased with your reading.

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  20. I really, really, like the scheme you employed. Also, your choice of words to end-rhyme was friggin' impressive, truly. Great read.

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    1. I take that as a rare compliment from you, Jack. Many thanks.

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  21. Thoughtful execution and exquisite word choice make this a joy to read!

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    1. I am glad to know you enjoyed the poem, Mary.

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  22. This is wonderful. I'm really enjoying this form. It is perfectly suited for this season.

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    1. Thank you, Teresa. It is always valuable to learn from the poets who have come before us.

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  23. There is melancholy and coldness in this...grief of season's end whether nature or in life...I did try the form, but rhyme just leaves me scratching my head when I attempt it. Yours is a beautiful example of the form.

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    1. Thank you, Susie. The rhymes of this form were very demanding, I thought.

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  24. "misperceives
    How hearts may rescind
    Like thistle seeds blown away"...love this Kerry.
    Hope you'll participate in the gratitude quilt:-)

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  25. Really lovely write Kerry--I thought your rhyme grew so organically from the emotional context of the piece--Beautiful work!

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    1. I love how you have expressed this idea of rhyme growing organically - if I have achieved that, I am well pleased with the whole exercise.

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  26. I love the October melancholy and tentative days ~

    Your word choice is perfect here: Scatters leaves, misperceives

    Thanks for the form challenge !

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  27. Change blew colder at harvest-time,
    Your love waned, emotion thinned.

    Just splendid writing, mixing the seasons with the heart. The whole poem seems to have just rippled off your pen...

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  28. Loved both the moods that the poem evoked. 'Misperceives' that's a word I must use somewhere, it's so good, so much said in one word.

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